I don't know if it is the sunburn or the fact I have been running around all weekend that has worn me down. Perhaps it is the effort to keep up appearances around so many friends and family. It has been, what, almost a month since I last had such a strong urge to let go and cry? More, less, I don't keep track. Either way, as it stands I am pretty well burned out. I wonder if it is a side effect of seeing one of my heroes going through a rough time. This guy has always been a model for myself and an inspiration, and he is going through a bit of a stormy sea from what I hear.
Everyone has their problems and struggles. I know many of mine are likely imagined or blown out of proportion, but that seems to be how the human mind works. We can only see through our own eyes, and so we often feel the most beat down, because we don't truly know what another is thinking or feeling.
Tired of work, life. I enjoy my work, mostly. Working with my hands I find to be very calming, but there is something missing and I can't figure out what. I have good friends, family, work and job stability, I have hobbies and past-times I enjoy and love. Yet I am still restless and I don't know why. I keep thinking of going away and travelling, but should I have to do that just to come home and realize that everything is here? What is it I am missing here, what hint have I not found that prevents me from opening my eyes and seeing what is here? Or maybe I am meant to be somewhere else, to do something I have not yet considered. Hm. I may take the advice of a friend and go see a career counselor.
The problem with having studied a bit of psychology is that now I analyze questions and quizzes that analyze myself, trying to find out what they are looking for. It seems to make them less effective, as I run in circles predicting their line of questioning and possibly changing answers based on the answers I want to see and hear.
Whatever the case is, I think I will need to do something about it soon. I am getting tired, moreso than before, and this is not the sort of exhaustion that you can regain with sleep. Soul-deep, emotional draining weariness that snowballs and sucks you dry. I have some days when I recover some ground and can stay on top, but mostly I am weakening to the point of numbness.
I really hope that something changes soon, as this is both ridiculous and saddening.
