Cut Open

A lot of people have regrets. Some people regret relationships, taking classes they weren't really interested in, eating a piece of food that turned out to be bad, going to a party where you just sit in the corner the whole time. But do you ever regret being a good person? Being helpful?

Some days I wonder if I do. I talk to so many people, I have friends on Facebook that I never speak to, but I leave them there. Then a couple months later, or a year later, they start talking to me again, telling me about how their parents are getting divorced, or how their boyfriend/girlfriend is a jerk and how they are depressed, drinking, doing drugs, or self-injury. They come to me just wanting to talk about their problems, and we end up discussing them in depth over the next couple weeks.

I've asked why people talk to me about their problems, and the usual answer is because they know I'm listening, that I care, and that I try to help them, even if there isn't anything to do. I still talk to them and offer advice and I'm sympathetic and polite and caring. I like trying to be a good person, but some days I have trouble remembering why I put up with this. I don't know if you have ever had to talk to a teenager who is dealing with scars, both old, new, mental and physical. How do you help someone in a place like that? What do you say or do to help someone who is cutting themselves, or dealing with family issues from divorce to abuse?

I get tired of dealing with problems like that, and when I become frustrated and just can't take it anymore, I get a glimpse of what they are going through. I have to deal with them, but they deal with the actual problem. We're in the same boat, really. Neither myself, or the person I'm talking to has an idea of what to do to fix the problem or how. We're both lost, and I'm the better off of the two, I think.

I can walk away from the problem, from the person, but they can't. They're stuck. They have to deal with hiding the blood so their parents don't see it and then pump them so full of drugs people wonder if the child is still really alive. They have to smile and say everything is fine when their parents are arguing at home and their mom, dad, or step-parent wants a divorce for the 1st, 2nd, or even 3rd time. They have to hide the pain, the cuts from those things. I don't. I can just ignore them and pretend things like that don't happen.

But that's not fair, it's not right. If a friend is living on their own, juggling work, payments on their apartment and failing grades, can't I stretch my curfew out a little in order to sit and listen and offer what comfort I can? Sure, my parents might get mad and I might get punished, but I can handle it better than the friend who left abusive parents and now lives in a foster family that doesn't care. It's the least I can do, right?

Why do it though? Listening doesn't do anything, there needs to be change. I should not speak to a young girl who is taking a hot screw and burning herself because she likes the feeling, I should not be talking to a young man who was kicked out of the house and had to sleep in the garden shed. This should. Not. Be. Happening.

Canadians, Americans, and so many other countries recognize that we need to fix the way things are. And the most efficient way is to start over. But if we try that, we will lose too many lives, we will kill those people we want to help. So we need to change what we have. But we can't start at the bottom and work up, because the upper levels are too confusing, and we can't work down, because the upper levels handle the supplies that help those further down on the social scale. Which leaves citizens of every country with the option of working on everything at once. This isn't possible. One person cannot fix the bad self-images that the fashion industry generates while also improving how a family works and helps each other out. Not while also helping religious organizations and relief committees place resources better. It's just not feasible.

So, how do we cut open the mess that we have been weaving for the past years? How do we slice open the skin that's been growing over the problems that we've made?

A doctor will tell you that if you want to get better, you need to treat the sickness, not the symptoms. But people don't want that. They just wants to feel better now. They don't care about later, because then later will be now, and they can simply ignore things and move on.

Can nobody see what is wrong here?

I should not be questioning if being a helpful person is a good thing. That should not be happening. It's ridiculous. If rescue companies around the world started debating whether or not to keep helicopters flying people to hospitals because they're not doing much help, something is very wrong. Helicopters save lives by getting people to clinics in time to undergo surgery or treatment for accidents and problems.

How can we talk about this and get it in the open? How should we start a discussion that some people don't want to have, and how do we know who wants to have it and who doesn't? How do we keep their attention long enough to make the point?

I don't think there is an answer to that. I don't think there is a good way to go about this, to start a change that some don't want to see happen. What I do know is when we finally manage to rip the curtain away that covers our problems and start dealing with them, it is going to be messy. They always are when you cut something open.